Working Mom Blues

I admit, I don’t love being a working mom. Before I had Rylie I knew that was the reality, I had to work, it wasn’t an option. But I really find managing a full time job and a household is extremely overwhelming and creates a lot of guilt. I spend my time at work thinking about all the things I need to do at home, and when I’m at home I’m constantly overwhelmed with all the things that need to be done at work.

Today is one of those days that makes being a working mom even harder. When I woke up this morning and went in to wake up my little pumpkin, I opened the bedroom door and an awful smell came out of the room. Rylie threw up last night but never made a sound. I was having a hard time sleeping all night but I never heard her cry or anything. I had checked on her before I went to bed and all was well. I felt awful, she had slept in the crib with this all night.

We gave her a quick bath and got her ready for school. There was no fever, she was acting completely normal. I thought maybe her food just didn’t settle well…it’s happened before.

Now when I look back I think, if I had thrown up last night, would I have gone to work today? Probably not. But work consumes me and when I got up I was rushing around trying to figure out how I was going to get to work early for a meeting that was scheduled first thing and how am I going to get all of the other things on my project list done today. I’m constantly on super tight deadlines and can never seem to keep up with it all. So there she went, off to school.

As I sat in my meeting I noticed my phone light up. I left the room to take the call and it was Rylie’s school calling to tell me she had thrown up twice. Tears immediately came to my eyes but I still couldn’t figure out how I was going to leave the office today. I called Harris and he said he could go get her but had to finish something up before he could leave.

I went back to my meeting feeling awful. I was already feeling sick myself today and all I wanted to do was go home. My meeting finally ended and I was told to leave to go take care of the baby. I called Harris to see if he had left yet and he hadn’t. It wasn’t until noon that I got to her. NOON. 3 hours she spent at school throwing up because of work. Because I am a bad mom. I am.

I’m not opposed to work, in fact I do enjoy working and making my contribution to the family. I don’t think Id feel good about myself if I didn’t work, I mean why should all the burden be on my husband? It shouldn’t. But I really wish there was a better way to do this. A job I could do from home, even something closer to home would be good. I just don’t know how to fix this situation.

I see her for a half hour in the morning, tops. I don’t get home until 6:30 at the earliest in the evening and she’s in bed by 8. I rarely get to cook a real meal for my family, thank god my kid loves beans. I just don’t understand how some moms make it look so easy.